||[Jan. 26th, 2008|11:03 pm]
Wow! Where to begin? It's been some of the hardest few months of my life. I almost lost my mom. She wasn't feeling well one morning, but decided to go downstairs for a new exercise class they were having in her building. Well good thing she did or she'd have been found dead on her floor. A few minutes into the class my mom's heart stopped. They did CPR in the ambulance and then used the paddles in the hospital to get it going again. To make a long story short, my mom had a pace maker installed. She's doing well, but now she needs lazer surgery for Catarax (sp?) and glaucoma. The Catarax one isn't suppossed to be bad, but she already had the glaucoma one were they put the little holes in her eye and it didn't work. To make matters worse the only drops on the market that worked on hers she developed an allergy to. So anyway now they want to put a larger hole in her eye to relieve the pressure. She does'nt want to have it, but I told her when her only option is going blind there's not much choice. Especially since my dog is way too goofy to train as a seeing eye dog. LOL|
I had to stop paying the board on my youngest daughter's horse. There was just no way I could carry that expense on my own. Especially with only a few months notice that I was on my own to give my girls a decent Christmas. In the past when I did Christmas as a single mom I'd budget for it throughout the year, but I only budgeted for my half as I thought I was in a partnership, so anyway, it broke my heart to do it, but something had to give. She's pretty much lost it now since she's way behind on board, owing around 1000$. It's especially sad because she was already feeling a sense of loss and betrayal over my ex abandoning her. My oldest couldn't care less, but my youngest was only 10 when my ex came into the picture; she even called her mom for 7 years; and she feels so betrayed and abandoned. She asks me how M could just stop loving her and I don't have an answer. It really hit home for her when the ex didn't even so much as send her a card for Christmas. Well life is full of tough lessons and learning not to count on anyone is one of them I guess.
Despite everything we managed to have a descent Christmas. My mom had invited everyone (My family, her boyfriend, his kids and grandkids) to her house for Christmas dinner. So I had to go there and clean and rearrange furniture and get everything ready as mom was not yet allowed to do much of anything. It was exhausting, but really nice. Mom and her boyfriend have been together for 24 years, so his kids and stuff are like a step family to me.
Anyway, all this has given me a chance to reflect on the things that matter in my life and I've come to some conclusions: It takes less energy to be happy than it does to be sad, you can't make someone love you, all the money in the world won't replace love, I have the most amazing group of friends and family in my life which makes me very blessed and there are loads of beautiful, fun, intelligent women out there and when I'm ready I will find someone as devoted to me as I am to them. :)
My postings here will be sporatic as I have no internet at home, but I will try to update as often as possible.
Thanks Ben! She is very attractive and we have a good time together. She has a little boy whom I adore. We haven't been intimate because I'm just not ready, but she tells me she loves me. We'll just take it slowly one day at a time. I'm not really ready for a committed relationship again yet.
Take care and all the best for 2008!