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Long time [Jun. 27th, 2008|01:35 am]
mariskasgirl
Hey all. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile.

Life is good right now. My mom is doing well. I'm more relaxed than I've been in years. My kids are both gone right now, so I'm an empty nester. lol

My daughter lost her horse. I asked the ex to help me save it for her, but I guess she doesn't care. What a step-mom. *roll eyes* My daughter still cries herself to sleep over that horse. It tears my heart out, but I've done everything I can.

My daughter's dog broke my nose the other day. Luckily it was a mild break and I'm fine. Surprisingly the dog is still fine too. lol

I joined facebook and I'm having alot of fun. I've reconnected with people I haven't talked to in ages. My dear friend Von came by with her kids. Boy have they ever grown. She has a new baby girl who is absolutely adorable. I haven't been that happy in awhile.

Well that's about it. My life isn't that exciting. lol
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Rough times [Jan. 26th, 2008|11:03 pm]
mariskasgirl
Wow! Where to begin? It's been some of the hardest few months of my life. I almost lost my mom. She wasn't feeling well one morning, but decided to go downstairs for a new exercise class they were having in her building. Well good thing she did or she'd have been found dead on her floor. A few minutes into the class my mom's heart stopped. They did CPR in the ambulance and then used the paddles in the hospital to get it going again. To make a long story short, my mom had a pace maker installed. She's doing well, but now she needs lazer surgery for Catarax (sp?) and glaucoma. The Catarax one isn't suppossed to be bad, but she already had the glaucoma one were they put the little holes in her eye and it didn't work. To make matters worse the only drops on the market that worked on hers she developed an allergy to. So anyway now they want to put a larger hole in her eye to relieve the pressure. She does'nt want to have it, but I told her when her only option is going blind there's not much choice. Especially since my dog is way too goofy to train as a seeing eye dog. LOL

I had to stop paying the board on my youngest daughter's horse. There was just no way I could carry that expense on my own. Especially with only a few months notice that I was on my own to give my girls a decent Christmas. In the past when I did Christmas as a single mom I'd budget for it throughout the year, but I only budgeted for my half as I thought I was in a partnership, so anyway, it broke my heart to do it, but something had to give. She's pretty much lost it now since she's way behind on board, owing around 1000$. It's especially sad because she was already feeling a sense of loss and betrayal over my ex abandoning her. My oldest couldn't care less, but my youngest was only 10 when my ex came into the picture; she even called her mom for 7 years; and she feels so betrayed and abandoned. She asks me how M could just stop loving her and I don't have an answer. It really hit home for her when the ex didn't even so much as send her a card for Christmas. Well life is full of tough lessons and learning not to count on anyone is one of them I guess.

Despite everything we managed to have a descent Christmas. My mom had invited everyone (My family, her boyfriend, his kids and grandkids) to her house for Christmas dinner. So I had to go there and clean and rearrange furniture and get everything ready as mom was not yet allowed to do much of anything. It was exhausting, but really nice. Mom and her boyfriend have been together for 24 years, so his kids and stuff are like a step family to me.

Anyway, all this has given me a chance to reflect on the things that matter in my life and I've come to some conclusions: It takes less energy to be happy than it does to be sad, you can't make someone love you, all the money in the world won't replace love, I have the most amazing group of friends and family in my life which makes me very blessed and there are loads of beautiful, fun, intelligent women out there and when I'm ready I will find someone as devoted to me as I am to them. :)

My postings here will be sporatic as I have no internet at home, but I will try to update as often as possible.

Thanks Ben! She is very attractive and we have a good time together. She has a little boy whom I adore. We haven't been intimate because I'm just not ready, but she tells me she loves me. We'll just take it slowly one day at a time. I'm not really ready for a committed relationship again yet.

Take care and all the best for 2008!
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She walks in beauty like the night [Oct. 23rd, 2007|02:41 pm]
mariskasgirl
Well I didn't want to jinx anything, so I haven't said anything on here. Last time I wrote about a lady on here it fizzled right after. :o I've been out with this lovely lady a few times now and she says she's head over heels, so it's probably safe now. lol I'm not ready to get too serious yet because I'm seeing a couple of other ladies I like alot too. Playing the field is fun. lol Anyway T is a real cutey so I thought I'd post a few pics we took. :D Say hi to T. lol





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Whadup? [Oct. 19th, 2007|10:04 pm]
mariskasgirl
So it's been an interesting little while. Alot of ups and downs.

I feel like I really never knew her. She seems to be going out of her way to hurt me more. Why can't she agree to end things civilly? I asked so little of her in light of everything, but she won't even reply. She's been promising to send our stuff back from Switzerland since she left here, over three years ago. I mean there's no way to replace the things my Grandma gave me as a child and Anna's been collecting her Grand Champion horses since she was a toddler. It would likely cost less than 50$ to send those few things I requested. Is that so fucking unreasonable? Yes I did ask her for a few bucks. Just enough to help me get out of the hole enough to give my kids a Christmas. Christ she promised to help support this family with her job there, then without any warning she not only stops helping out, but screws me over by promising to send money I never received. She called us her family for 7 1/2 years; she refered to the girls as her Step-Children; she took vows and exchanged rings; she abandoned us all and she seems to not even care. Ironically she ended the last email she ever wrote me with the words "I'll always be there for you. That's a promise I intend to keep". Well unless there's a reason she's been physically unable to respond to emails or texts for the past week it seems to be yet another empty promise. I'm not gonna be one of those exes who constantly hounds their former partner, so I don't see any other option. I contacted the lawyer who help me get my disability and he says I've got a good case for abandonment as the courts will recognize our wedding as a formal union and as the major income earner she has a legal obligation to maintain our lifestyle. He feels I can get child support for my youngest as well since she took on a parental role. We can also get retroactive support going back to the day she left; minus what she sent here during that period; which should be a fair bit. Apparently if a Canadian court issues a support order the Swiss government will honor it and will enforce it there. Anyway, I meet with him on Thursday afternoon and I'll know more then. He's supposedly working on the paper work to subpeona her salary records to know her exact income, for the courts. Those of you who are her friends will likely think I'm a bitch, but all she had to do was write one email or one text to reply to me and we could have ended things like reasonable people. If anyone knows a good reason why she couldn't respond let me know as I don't want to judge unfairly, but I can only judge by the evidence I have. A good reason does not include a sick puppy or no internet.

She makes me smile every day
With a simple note just to say hey. :D

Take care all!
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Nothing much [Sep. 26th, 2007|02:20 pm]
mariskasgirl
Well things didn't work out with me and blue eyes. Just too hard too get together when we're that far apart. I met a local girl and although there was no chemistry she was really nice and I'm hoping she'll introduce me to more local lesbians. I'm not even sure how serious I want to get with someone. I'm really enjoying feeling like my life is mine again. A f*** buddy would be nice, but I'm not sure I could have that impersonal of a relationship. Guess I'll just see what happens. :)

I've spent alot of time hanging out with friends lately. I feel so blessed to have such good friends in my life. :D

There's nothing else much new around here, so I'll say bye for now.
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Hi all [Sep. 19th, 2007|10:58 am]
mariskasgirl
Not much to write. I've had a nice few days just hanging out with friends and meeting new people. Suddenly everyone has a lesbian friend that I just have to meet. lol It's so sweet of them though. :) I met another lady online who lives here in town, so I'm hoping we can meet in person soon. I think I might meet up with the other lady, with the big blue eyes this weekend. :D BTW, I'm deliberately not puting their names as I don't have their ok and I don't want to do anything that'll mess up a potential relationship.

Thought I'd add this pic of my dog Luna and I on the park swings across the street. :D




See ya soon!!!
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Howdy lol [Sep. 16th, 2007|08:45 pm]
mariskasgirl
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I met this real nice woman and we've been chatting. She lives near Hamilton where my oldest daughter is, so I'm hoping to go visit them both soon. This woman is so nice and we really seem to click. She's got the most beautiful big blue eyes; they just make me melt. She seems to be really into me as well. She phoned me 3 times yesterday and again this morning. She's out of town until sometime tomorrow and I'm already missing her voice. She's an older woman which will be such an awesome change to date a mature woman. I think I'm really falling for her. Keeping my fingers crossed. :D

Well that's all for now. Peace out!!! :)
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Just saying hi! [Sep. 7th, 2007|11:11 pm]
mariskasgirl
There's not much new so I'll keep it short. Things are going ok for us. I got pretty drunk last weekend. lol Had an awesome time though. :) I met this girl J and OMG she's so cute. She's blonde, 32 and has an amazing body. *drool* Anyway I'm gonna party with friends again this weekend and I'm hoping I'll see her again. *fingers crossed* lol What else??? Oh, I sold my horse to pay off mine and my daughter's back board. Ah well horses are like wives, easy come, easy go. LMAO

See ya soon!!!
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Wow! [Aug. 27th, 2007|07:05 pm]
mariskasgirl
Wow! It's been a while. I don't have internet right now, so my posts will be sporatic as I'm on a friends comp. I'm also gonna keep this as short as possible.

Since I last posted alot has happened. My Dad passed away of liver cancer last fall. It was difficult but it was nice to have found the forgiveness to cry for him. I got to know my Stepmom, Stepbrother and Stepsister-in-law. They're awesome people and I've come to love them dearly.

In November I had a horse back riding accident and broke my arm; the two ends of the bone over lapped and the splintered ends stabbed into the soft tissue of my arm creating extensive damage. In addition the nerve was damaged paralyzing my left hand and wrist. Being left handed this proved to be very frustrating. lol Anyway, my arm was out of service for about 7 months. It hasn't fully come back yet, but I'm doing ok.

In March my big brother got married to the most awesome lady. It was a beautiful wedding. I got to write a poem for them which I read to them at the ceramony. Can you believe I actually cried! lol

That brings us to last week, when my dear wife informed me that she didn't think this was going to work for her. Ok, keeping me hanging for 3 years was kinda low and selfish, but I coulda handled that if she'd been decent about it. However she chose the low road and didn't answer any of my texts for 2 weeks; then she writes and says she couldn't write a 2 minute text in 2 weeks because she was caring for her sick dog. A pretty poor excuse, but when you love someone you trust them, especially when they end the message with "I love you". Then I don't hear from her for 3 weeks and I keep writing her texts and emails and I finally get mad and tell her people are saying she's kicking me to the curb and I don't want to believe it, but when she doesn't answer me I don't know what else to think. Well she finally writes me back and acts all pissy and tries to turn it around to sound like I'm ending it, but in the same letter says she's been thinking it won't work for her for some time. After waiting faithfully for over 3 years I sure as hell deserved better. That's not the worst thing though; when she left for Switzerland she said that when she got a job she would send money home to help out the family; well in late July she said that she sent 400$ and I budgeted with that money in mind, but it never came. If I had known I would have budgeted differently to cover some of everything, but instead I trusted her and now I've had to put my horse up for sale to pay my back board and I couldn't even give my daughter a 17th birthday present. When the old wifey pooh wants to stick it to you she times things well. But hey, I'm the bad guy. What's new!

On a happier note I've lost alot of weight and I'm loving it. I've been hit on alot lately and when word got out that I was single again I got invited out for drinks by a neighbour. She's a former dancer and really hot. "Yummy" Anyway we went out Saturday night and went bar hopping. I had an awesome time. We're going out again next weekend. "Yay" I'm not planning to jump into another serious relationship though. I want to spread my wings and enjoy the dating game for a while. I sure wouldn't mind some meaningless sex though. hehe.

My daughter has been obssessed with picture taking lately so here's a couple of pics of my beautiful dog Luna:





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Money [Aug. 24th, 2006|02:25 pm]
mariskasgirl
Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I just haven't felt like going online.

Check out the new layout on my homepage. I wanted to do something that had a crisp, clean feel to it. I like this one alot. Let me know what you think.

I finally got some good news. I met with the disability people and I'm getting approved. :) It'll be a few more months before everything goes through, but when it does we should be getting enough money to actually make ends meet.

My friend A is out of town for the week and his wife doesn't drive, so he said I could use the car whenever I want, which is cool. Unfortunately, I screwed up big time yesterday by accidently locking the keys in the car with the motor running and the gas tank on empty. :o I had to quickly call a tow truck to get me into the car before the gas ran out. The worst part is that it cost me 40$ to get in and that was a big chunk of Anna's back to school money, so now I don't know how to get her what she needs. I'm such an idiot.

I have to go to Mom's on the 29th again for a week. I love my Mom, but I'll be happy when she doesn't need me to stay there anymore. It's very tiring.

I miss my Angel sooo...much. I hope she comes home soon. :(

Take care all!!!
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